Rate my writing and what I need to improve on please
On the Verge of an Angel, Devil, Or Mortal l was sprawled
on the cream colored leather couch, inspecting my glistening black satin
colored nails. l lay upside down and glued my eyes toward the blank plasma
TV screen that stuck to the wall panel facing me. l didn’t feel like
graduating today. No more friends, no more fun or good times. After today
and on, I’ll have to go to some dumb country down below the ground of
clouds. I’ll have to watch over the country, grant human’s wishes if they deserve it, make sure if they’re doing some good or bad for the entire planet, blah blah blah, but no more heaven, tommorow l will be an official Angel. l didn’t want my angel-in-training life to end. Plus, l didn’t wanna give up my room. l was so used to living in this apartment.You see, useless humans, that they are little rooms for the students of the school so they can live, and if we’re leaving, the building’s new rooms belong to new newbie angels. After a moment of silence and thought, l quickly finnished my cherry custard tart, and got dressed and ready for the last day of school. Angels must be so relieved they’re leaving here. One, I’m leaving, and they’re so scared of me, and l don’t know if it’s my devious looks or whatever. Two, they’ll be departing from the building you call a school…. l burst through the doors of the Graceful Wings school. Dumb name, right?The students checked out my partly gothic outfit, nodding approvingly but a scared expression was spead across their delicate faces. l had a reputation here and angels always thought l would turn out to be a devil. lflew swiftly, kind of embarrassed, toward my friend,Chelsea’s, locker. “Hey,” l spoke with a gleeful tone, hiding the sad one. “Hey, what’s up?” she replied, smacked her colorful locker shut. Without a word, she dropped her textbooks in my hands and started to apply ballerina cherry lipgloss on her tight lips, without letting me answer. l cringed, but not in fear, how could she wear such girly stuff? But l guess opposites attract…“ So what country are you going to after graduation?” she questioned out of nowhere. lwinced, the question l despised. l had no idea what country to go to. Half my friends wanna go to France, US, and Spain.l shrugged and handed her books back in one quick motion. “See you later,” l mumbled as l flew with speed, while dodging careless flyers, toward room A16, whooppeee my favorite class to begin with….. the Use of Powers class, before that tiring late bell rang. Chelsea and Dana, my other friend came over my house, l mean apartment, after school. Dana is not as drool worthy (or drop dead gorgeous) as Chelsea but she’s hilarious and has a bubbly personality. So anyway they came over my house and we did eachother’s hair, makeup, and all that beautifying stuff. We were getting dolled up for our graduation. l hated every look they tried on me but it kinda worked out. l tried to make our fun last for this night so l started a heavenly well known fight, Angel Dust Fight, where we fling angel dust at eachother, to see who looks mostlike a monster, but for our version, whoever loses and is covered up the most, buys us dinner.. The shining moon had risen and was full against the navy sky. l could feel it barely touching my pale skin. l was wearing a black sleevless, knee low dress that fanned out at the bottom and had a thick midnight black sash around my waist, with red gloves, and red flats, and dark makeup. Chelsea complimented me saying l looked nice but l knew she just envied the dress. l tugged my curled black hair and bit my deep red lips. l was nervous. l felt like mini angels were flying in my stomach. l gazed at them at the corner of my eye. Chelsea had her strawberry wispy blonde hair straightened till it fell a couple inches above her hips. She placed little flowers on her halo. She wore a white silky dress with spagghetti straps holding her ruffled dress. The angelic dress had sparkles all over it. She flew with gleaming white high heels. Her makeup was perfect in every way, medium pink colors on her cheeks, lips, and the mascara was just right. Dana on the other hand, made her shoulder length brown straight hair wavy and wore a pink satin sleevless dress that was ruched beneath her hips. Dana wore a hibacus flower in her hair, and a sterling silver necklace with an angel on it. She didn’t believe in wearing makeup. l was the bravest one to step forward and open the school door. “After you…” l murmmured to my soon-to-be-gone friends. They showered my we quiet thanks. It felt awkward. As l stepped in, a dark shadow loomed ahead. Professor Tedesca stopped me. Dana and Chelsea sneakingly slipped away from the Professor’s evil clutches. l gave a big sigh. Nothing worse than being stopped by a teacher, who’s hobby is lecturing, and having no friends to be there and witness it w
Too many adjectives - particularly colors. It wears the reader
out! I couldn't enjoy the story for getting bogged down in the minute
details. If the color is not important to the story line, it should go.
if it is 4 10 i wld rate u 6
da 4 points u missed were
1.u r giving a unesscary descrptiond like abt u r plasma tv or u r class
room is it useful for the readers and most humorous thing is in the
begining a t v panel always faces u not to towards the wall
It was a good story, I suggest running it through Word spell
check and deleting some run on sentences and use less adjectives in some
cases, more isnt better
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